Vent

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Overly Sensitive?

I know I am. And being pregnant makes it worse.

I keep going through these moments where I think my friends are all disappearing (Except you V, you are my rock!) since I announced I was pregnant. Almost like they have lost interest in me... and well, it hurts.

One of my closest friends especially. She has become so self-centered it actually scares me. I feel neglected, dismissed, unimportant, and completely shut out - and yet, to her... she has not changed at all. I sometimes don't even recognize her.

It has happened on a few occasions where she has said something so selfish, in such a completely innocent way, she is baffled when you call her out on it. Mind you, I don't necessarily call her out on them, more just ignore it... but then she gets hurt if ANYTHING is done in any way that she isn't the first person you think about.

Holy, its hard to explain this without using specific examples, but I don't want to be petty.

I hate confrontation, so I wont do it... because in this case, its a no-win for me anyways. She will feign hurt, accuse me of being callous, and pout for weeks on end that she is a victim. Since I see her every day, I have about zero interest in that. So confrontation wont happen. What I need is a dignified way to explain to her how she is making me feel so she will UNDERSTAND and not act like she is being attacked.

But truthfully, I don't really see that happening either.

You think I AM sensitive? She can do no wrong.

:(

Mt Tits are HUGE. and I mean HUGE

I think they are grossly HUGE.

All you men can shut the fuck up. I can't stand them

Sorry it's been a bit. Life gets in the way. (ok, so SLEEP is getting in the way of life right now, same diff).

I am not even kidding. All I seem to do lately is sleep. And this coming from a non-napper! My weekday 8 hours is not enough for me anymore, and every weekend I am finding it easier and easier to sleep 10 or more hours without interruption.

Kinda nice actually.

But really, a total waste of time. Kinda wish I had more energy.

My schedule is basically this :

5:55 am - press snooze
6:03 am - turn off alarm and dive bomb in the shower with my eyes closed
6:15-18 am - Find clothes that still fit
6:20-25 am - make up
6:30 am - dry my hair and tie it back. I can't be bothered to straighten it. Mind you, I have now discovered some very flattering up-do's I can do in seconds that makes me look like I spent a long time doing my hair! Hallelujah! Only took 30 damn years
6:40 am - Cheerios
6:50 am - warm up the car and pick up my carpooler
7:20 am - start my day at work
8:30 am - look at the clock and wonder WTF is taking this day so long
8:35 am - cursing the clock and wanting to take a nap
8:40 am - heading to the kitchen for a snack
9:45 am - 2nd snack
9:50 am - swearing at the clock that its not even 10 am
10:30 am - 3rd snack
11:15 am - 4th snack
12:30 pm - Lunch, usually too much food that I have a stomach ache by 12:45pm
2:00 pm - 5th snack
3:00 pm - Mahjong, and clock watching... one more hour to go
3:59 pm - shutting down the computer
4:45 pm - getting home after dropping off carpooler
4:50 pm - Jammies on, book in lap, couch time
5:15 pm - Dinner, usually cooked by E
5:45 pm - Dishes. The only thing I feel inclined to do cause I can't STAND leaving them
6:00 pm - BED (lots of TV watching)
9:00 pm - OUT COLD

I AM SO BORING

Remembering

I was thinking the other day about all the crap that happened this summer and how is that we manage to survive it all with very little scars. (Tell that to E's forhead I guess)...

And then it led to more reflection, wool-gathering, pondering, you get the point. It appears I have a lot time to have these random thoughts I guess... but really, I recommend it for everyone. I could be all cheesy and generic and say it makes your stronger blah blah blah, but in all honestly, I think it just helps you gain a little bit more perspective in YOURSELF. Perhaps a slightly better understanding of who you are, and why you do the things that you do.

Not that I can explain all MY decisions... but c'mon, you get what I am trying to say here.

And I did it all... not just all the bad shit that happened with E, or the drama of us breaking up and getting back together... but ALL of it and it almost made me laugh out loud about all the stupid naive things I did. You could say I was looking for something...not sure what mind you, but looking for something nonetheless... something that would either make me feel better about myself, or make me escape all the shit that I thought I couldn't handle. But I DID handle in the end didn't I? Because whatever I did find, didn't help with anything... only added more to the heaping pile of shit to deal with.

Explains bad behaviour in a nutshell really.

I thought I was going after something I wanted... when all it really did for me was make things worse. And for way too long of a time too...

There were some days I wondered how I would ever get through some it. Would I ever get over the shit that people pulled? Or that I brought on myself?

Now, it all seems so small in the grand scheme of things. Almost silly to even contemplate now, if not then. Makes you wonder actually...

What IS maturity?

Cause none of us ever seems to grow up.

There isn't a lot to report I am sad to say... apparently when you are pregnant life sort of stands still. Nothing new and exciting happens cause everyone is too afraid to even go near you... you know, in this 'fragile' state.

Seriously.

I volunteered to sweep up some cigarette butts at work cause some fucking idiot has been tossing them in to the loading bay of the company next to ours and I was politely refused because of my 'condition'.

What?! Are you kidding?!? It's not like I am going to be picking them up, sniffing them, eating them, or even *gasp* re-lighting them for a buzz! Fucking-A I tell you!!!

Mind you, I should be happy that I can use this 'fragile condition' as an out for any kind of physical labor. I had someone flip a case of 12 bottles of wine for me actually, cause well. I shouldn't really be lifting anything, right? (when you bottle wine you have to leave them on their side after 3 or 4 days to keep the cork wet, in case you were wondering what the hell I was talking about)

Hmmmm this really could be used to my advantage! I have already tried a few on V, and while she is pretty accommodating, she has made it clear that she isn't going to fall for it for the whole nine months and I should be prepared for a solid beating after the baby is born if I in any way take deliberate advantage of HER. Who me?!?! Never **tsk tsk!**

Now, some advice for all you non-preggo's...

Do everything you can for your pregnant friends.

It's nice.

Here's my little jellybean!