Yes Officer, I'll blow.

I got caught in a road block. And not one of those ones you can see coming a mile away and have 18 different side roads you can 'pretend' you live on in order to avoid rolling down your window. I mean a real one, that took up the whole bridge deck entrance, that you couldn't see until you rounded the corner and there was nowhere left to turn off.

Inside I was screaming Fuuuuuuuuuck.

And not because I was drunk. I so very rarely get behind the wheel after a couple of drinks, and NEVER do when I've had more than I should. Children changes you. Makes you boring and take less risks. I am not a badass. 

My nervousness came from the fact that I had just left a pub where not five minute before I was making my rounds saying goodbye and hugging about 738 people who WERE drinking. Which meant I probably reeked of alcohol. I may be a little off on the 738, but it was A LOT. 

My fears were confirmed when the cop stuck his head in the window and said "You reek of alcohol".

Well, DUH.

He made me pull over. Get out of the vehicle. And walk about 30 feet in the freezing-ass-cold-rain to his car to blow into his stupid machine. In a tiny little dress. I have never blown into a breathalyzer before. Did you know that you have to blow so hard you come within seconds of passing out? Me neither.

I passed with flying colors. I knew I would. So why did the jack ass pull me out into the rain?

It all became clear when three different male police officers walked by to look me up and down and say "My, you must be cold standing there in that little dress".

Perverts.

So this is what 'attention' feels like after losing 25 lbs. If it means being pulled over and violated on a regular basis, I just may have to make that pit stop to my local Dairy Queen. Every day.